Comments on: In This There Is Safety

By: Cami Checketts

Cami Checketts — Thu, 01 Mar 2012 19:41:26 +0000

I just read Courageous Parenting again and I think that courage is exactly what I have to have. I shouldn’t admit that I hate being the uncool mom but it isn’t fun!
Thanks everyone for sharing your thoughts. I really appreciate your insight.

By: Kim

Kim — Thu, 01 Mar 2012 02:19:22 +0000

Our rule is simple – no sleepovers. We had stake conference a couple months before the general conference when Elder Lawrence gave his “Courageous Parenting” talk. The message from our stake president was the same as Elder Lawrence. Don’t do it!

My kids still ask occasionally, with their friends standing there grinning and pleading. My response is always the same. “We don’t do sleepovers. You can hang out for a while and I’ll be in the driveway at 11:00 to pick you up.”

I’m not always seen as the “coolest” mom on the block, but that doesn’t bother me one bit.

By: Frieda

Frieda — Wed, 29 Feb 2012 22:42:29 +0000

My two boys are grown up (19 and 23) and we’ve had the heated discussions of sleepovers. We did them when they were young, and felt WE were the ones being punished with cranky kids the next day. They are not sleepovers, they are stay-up-all-nighters!

A neighbor told us of her family rule of “no sleepovers after the age of 12.” She expressed that the Holy Ghost (and parents) goes to bed after midnight, there is less parental supervision and more temptation.

Then we said they could have sleepovers with their cousins, that was until we discovered that one of the cousins was viewing pornography via the internet and showing them to my boys. Yes, it does happen in the best of families. You will have to create your rules based on your circumstances, and stick to your guns (and the Spirit).

“Late Nights” are great when they are planned with activities, food and supervision.

By: Kristie Chambers

Kristie Chambers — Wed, 29 Feb 2012 21:17:16 +0000

I find it interesting after reading the comments posted here that so many people are against sleepovers and I find it even more interesting that many of the comments include people saying that they won’t even let their children spend the night at immediate families homes, personally, I think that is silly. I am not a mom, but I am an aunt and have had a lot of sleepovers with my nieces and they have had a blast. I get parents wanting to keep their children safe and protected, but I think not even letting your children spend the night at an immediate family members home is really sad. I really don’t see the problem with sleepovers if you know and trust the place where the kids are sleeping.

By: Bonnie

Bonnie — Wed, 29 Feb 2012 20:40:35 +0000

Our policy was no for the same reasons you suggested. I felt alone in this too. I wondered if I was being too strict and felt bad for them for missing out on that fun experience. I had recently started giving in, so I appreciate this renewed inspiration to put an end to it. I am sure no one envies the weeping, waling and gnashing of teeth at our place for the next few weekends!

BTW, I did allow sleepovers with cousins and felt safe doing so, until we learned that some terrible things happened even there.

By: Cami Checketts

Cami Checketts — Thu, 02 Feb 2012 21:24:04 +0000

Thank you, Patricia! We only have boys and it is craziness but so much fun. I love that your husband hid out. I want to do that too!

By: Patricia

Patricia — Thu, 02 Feb 2012 17:09:17 +0000

I’m so thankful you’ve written about this subject.
I have two kids, almost 8 years apart. The boy is the oldest and at first it was ok to go to sleepovers at friends houses until we really thought about all the problems that could arise from it. Then we moved to ‘late nights,’ and that seemed to work for all of us. When my daughter grew old enough to understand things, she asked for sleepovers and was told ‘no’ from the beginning. There’s always the complaint about her not getting one when her brother did. It’s hard to keep the standard at home, especially when you say no to Grandma, and she gets offended, and she says ‘don’t you trust me?,’ and you still have to say no. But we’ve done it even when we had to smooth out some ruffled feathers.
I’ve helped my 11yo daughter host a late night recently, and told my husband (who was holed out in our bedroom-the chicken) that I didn’t know which was worse: boys or girls. Boys can be rambunctious, but girls are screamers. The noise level was through the roof, but I loved it, and was with them for most of their time at my house.
Thank you Cami, and keep them coming.

By: Cami Checketts

Cami Checketts — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 20:29:06 +0000

Thank you all for your wonderful comments. I really appreciate the ideas and support.
Warmest,
Cami

By: Jill

Jill — Sat, 28 Jan 2012 14:58:27 +0000

I completely agree with all that has been said and do not allow sleepovers for all those reasons.

When our cousins come to town, the kids do get sleepovers at grandmas house and here, but the bed time hour is always enforced and kids are put to sleep.

Thank you for trying to spread this information.

By: Fawn

Fawn — Sat, 28 Jan 2012 07:28:28 +0000

I have four boys and have never let any of them spend the night anywhere other than immediate family members homes where we, the parents, were also staying. When our oldest first got invited to a sleepover, it was to someone’s house I was not comfortable with so it was easy to say no. The next time, the invitation came from good friends of ours. I almost said yes but then thought, “How do I set the ground rules for this type of activity? Won’t some friends be offended when they find out sleepovers were allowed elsewhere?” So to avoid that, I made the new rule, no sleepovers anywhere, ever. Frankly, I think my boys always prefer their own comfy beds anyway. The sleepovers I attended growing up is where I saw all the R rated movies. And this was at members homes. With the internet, I have no idea what sort of filters people have, if any. I’m not even comfortable with my 11 and 14 year old boys being at anyone’s home during the day unless parents are there.